Introduction
Author: Don Miguel Ruiz.
Originally published in 1997, I picked up this book when I moved away from home for the first time and was living on my own. I love the simplicity of the writing and how easy it’s able to explain the core concepts. This will be a common theme in most of the books I will showcase throughout this series.
I was having a hard time adjusting to my new lifestyle, and I found myself overwhelmed by the new responsibilities that I found myself having to take care of as an adult. I wish I can remember who had introduced me to the book so I can give them the proper shoutout, because it has helped shape how I approach many situations I now face. Sometimes it’s easy for me to get away from the principles shared in the book, but I try to remind myself what they are and have even written them down on the white board in my room as a visual reminder when things seem overwhelming.
In today’s world, where it feels like there is so much chaos, I try to remember that I cannot control everything around me, and I should focus on what I can control, which are my responses to my emotions. After reading this book, there was a sense of peace I felt amongst myself, and I hope that by highlighting this book, as many others have before me, that it can encourage someone to pick it up and help them clear their mind even a little bit. The most fascinating takeaway from this book is just how much each agreements is intertwined with the others, and by being able to work on each one, you will get better at all of them.
This blog will be me going over each of the four agreements and trying to weave in some of my personal thoughts on each.
Be Impeccable With your Word
The first agreement revolves around integrity and purpose with all of your words, both internal and external. The book starts with this agreement because it stresses just how powerful words can be.
We use words everyday, whether we are speaking with someone in person using our voice, or typing out words through text. In today’s digital age, it is a bit tougher to interpret what someone is trying to say, especially when we are just reading letters on a screen. Sometimes it can be easier to misinterpret what someone is trying to say, or more specifically, how they are saying it.
That’s part of the reason why it’s so important to make sure you are impeccable with your word. You want to be able to stand behind what you are saying, and to say it with conviction so that no one can mince your words.
One idea that really stuck with me is that words are like seeds. Once planted, they grow into beliefs. And over time, those beliefs shape how we see ourselves and the world. If we are constantly telling ourselves:
- “I’m not good with money”
- “I’m behind”
- “I’ll never figure this out”
…those seeds start to take root.
If we’re going to plant seeds every day, why not choose ones that actually serve us?
Don’t Take Anything Personally
The second agreement focuses on the idea that what others say and do is usually an outward projection of themselves, and rarely has anything to do with you.
This is one that I’ve been able to best apply to my life since reading this book. I’m very fortunate that I’ve always had a certain temperament when it comes to what people say or do to me, which has allowed me to practice this, but now I better understand my reactions and emotions to said actions.
The reality is that everyone lives in their own world. They are shaped by their own experiences, thoughts and surroundings, so when someone says something to us, good or bad, we try to impose our own world’s rules to what we just heard. When we take things personally, we are setting ourselves up for suffering, especially if someone is hitting a thought or feeling we are already sensitive about.
In my profession, it can be easy for me to take the feeling of rejection very personally. If a prospect decided not to work with me, I may end up beating myself up and thinking that I was the problem and something I said or did caused them to steer away from me. While this may be true to some degree, I don’t know what that prospect’s story is, and there could have been a myriad of reasons as to why they chose not to work with me. A different prospect who may have been in that same exact meeting may have decided to move forward. It’s just something I cannot control, and for me to try and internalize it would cause me to make emotional decisions based on incomplete information.
This one is usually easier said than done, especially in the moment, but I’ve found that once time has allowed the dust to settle, we can look back at situations with a different perspective and insight. Sometimes we learn things after the fact that help us realize why something was so hurtful when it was said to us and why we took it a certain way.
Don’t Make Assumptions
The third agreement highlights how we tend to make assumptions about almost everything around us, and how it can do more harm than good. This agreement really weaves well with the one before it, as when we make assumptions about why someone did something to us, it may cause us to take it personally. By being able to separate the two, we are able to better understand a situation and it’s circumstances.
We often make the assumption that others think very similarly to us, and are using the same thought process to come to a conclusion, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Just think of how two people can have a completely different perspective when looking at the same painting. This doesn’t mean that either person is wrong in their interpretation, it’s that their interpretation is shaped by their personal perspective.
The book tells us that it is always better to ask questions to get clarity than try to decipher a message ourselves. This is important in our relationships, especially one where we have known someone for a very long time. We can fall into the trap of thinking that we know this person, how they think, how they think we think, and that lack of communication can lead us to take things personally when things don’t go the way we thought they would.
This is critical in my career as a financial planner because I want to have as much context as I can before I make a recommendation to someone. Money is deeply personal and everyone has a different relationship with it, so if I were to make assumptions about a client’s goals or comfort level without asking the right questions, I’d be doing them a disservice.
Always Do your Best
The final agreement is the one that brings everything together. Our best is going to look different each and every day, but if we can try to do our best regardless of how we are feeling, we can go to bed feeling good.
Doing your best ≠ getting everything right
This is key because when we do things, we tend to focus on the final product or reward, as opposed to the process which takes us there. If we show up consistently and take things one day at a time, there is so much more we can accomplish and learn. We probably will make some mistakes along the way, but those opportunities to make mistakes will only make the end result that much more rewarding.
There’s a tendency, especially in both life and finances, to feel like everything needs to be perfectly planned before taking action. I’ve experienced that firsthand when starting my business. I had ideas, plans, and visions for how everything should look.
But none of it mattered until I actually started.
The business will look much different 3 years from now, and while some of my processes may remain the same, I will undoubtedly learn so much over the coming years.
We all have days where things aren’t ideal, but if we push through and try our best to make the most out of what the day has given us, it will only make the coming days better.
Summary
This book isn’t about personal finance, but the lessons it teaches can be easily translated to how we think about our relationship with money, how we respond to risk and uncertainty, and how we choose to communicate with the people around us, regardless of the role they play in our life.
I am always trying to be the best version of myself, which can truly be difficult at times, especially when going through discomfort. But keeping these lessons in the back of my mind always allows me to stand still and re-calibrate myself. It’s a reminder to take a breath and focus on the present.
The way you speak influences what you believe
….What you believe shapes how you interpret others
….How you interpret others affects your assumptions
….And all of it comes back to whether you’re showing up and doing your best
I hope this blog piques your interest into getting this book and reading it, because I believe it will do wonders to how you approach every situation in your life moving forward.
If you’re navigating financial decisions and want clarity around your next steps, I offer a free introductory call to help you think through your situation with a structured, personalized approach.
Disclosure
This content is provided for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as personalized investment, tax, or legal advice. No advisory relationship is created by reading this article. Investment advisory & financial planning services are offered only pursuant to a written agreement through Noor Financial Services, a Registered Investment Adviser. Please consult with a qualified professional regarding your specific financial situation.
